


amor no correspondido

by IngridAnne24



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen, this is implied unrequited jane v/petra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 17:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14289321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IngridAnne24/pseuds/IngridAnne24
Summary: While talking to Xiomara, Jane has a little revelation.





	amor no correspondido

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy, this was really tough to write. I wrote this like 3 times, because I wanted to be as sensitive as I could. It just seemed cruel to write this. And I will not continue this, because I cannot write Petra, JR, and Rafael dealing with this. I just wanted to get this done.
> 
> And my apologies to Jafael fans; this is just my interpretation based on how Gina is playing Jane.

Family was always important to Jane. She grew up in a close-knit family, with a mother and grandmother who cared deeply for her. So as she got older, the idea of having her own family just sounded so appealing. When she was with Michael, she saw that, having a family with him. Then Mateo happened and things changed, not that she would change it. Not for a second. It's just, at the time it caused some problems; Jane, who was so focused on family, decided Rafael was who she should be with. Because he was the baby's father and that was what was important to her at the time.

Obviously that changed because she did marry Michael and she was ready to spend the rest of her life with him. Until it changed again, and Jane didn't think she could love again. And there was Rafael again, but things were different now; there was no Michael and Jane was able to decide for herself, without outside pressures, if Rafael was who she wanted to be with.

Yes, he was, because it made sense. She loved him and he was Mateo's father and... it made sense.

Another positive of her artificial insemination was Petra Solano. The way Petra came into Jane's life was messy and sometimes downright stressful. Petra had tried to stake a claim on the baby Jane was carrying because he was from her husband's sperm, sperm that was meant to be implanted in her. But that was a long time ago, because just a couple days ago, Petra said she loved Jane and kissed Jane on the forehead and Jane could not stop thinking about it.

Petra had made her own progress, outside of her relationship with Jane; she was now dating a woman named, well, Jane. And she seemed the happiest Jane had ever seen her. And it made Jane happy, because Petra had been through a lot in her 30-some years, something Jane sometimes forgot because Petra was very good at pretending.

Either way, Jane liked Other Jane, because she made Petra happy. Even though JR didn't like Jane, for some reason. Sure, Jane could be a little much with the questions, but Jane wanted to know as much about Petra's girlfriend as she could.

“JR doesn't like to be asked personal questions,” Petra said over brunch. “Something she and I have in common.”

“Well, how do I find out more about her?” Jane asked. “She- Mateo, don't fling egg at your sisters. She's your girlfriend and she could be more...”

Petra's face flushed. “We just became serious, Jane.”

“I know, but you never know.”

“I think, we just back off and let JR tell us what she wants to tell us,” Rafael said.

Petra nodded in agreement and Jane sighed, conceding. “Fine.”

There was a knock on the door. “Speaking of which...” Petra said, rising from her chair. “I invited her.”

Jane let out a surprised 'oh.' Petra greeted JR at the door with a long kiss. Jane found herself looking away while Rafael cleared his throat. “I don't know if the children want to watch their mother kiss someone.”

JR apologized and waved at the children. Jane pointed at Mateo. “Jane, this is my son, Mateo. Mateo, this is Petra's girlfriend, Jane.”

Mateo frowned. “She has the same name as you, Mommy.”

“Yes, she does.”

JR nodded politely at Mateo. “Nice to meet you, Mateo.”

They all returned to their seats. It was a little awkward, because Jane was so nervous about asking too many questions and she had a lot of questions swimming in her head. So, she didn't ask any questions and just smiled at JR.

“Uh, Jane,” JR said, glancing at Petra. “Petra says you're a writer? She told me you published a book about your late husband. I'm really sorry.”

Jane was a little caught off guard. “Oh, yes. Thank you. It was tough. Well, his passing was tough, then writing about it was too. But it helped.”

“But a published author, that's pretty great.”

Jane could tell Petra had prompted JR to talk about this, but at least she was trying. “Yeah, it didn't do so well, though.”

JR shrugged. “You're not letting that get you down, though, right?”

“No, actually I'm starting something about my mom.”

JR's expression turned downcast. “I'm sorry about your mother. It's not the same thing, but when my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers...” JR let out a shaky breath. “It's tough seeing your parent going through something like that.”

“Yeah.” For the first time, Jane felt common ground with JR. It felt good, despite the circumstances. “Can I ask what your mom is like?”

“She was-is-so strong, and sweet. The kindest woman I've met. My dad died when I was very young so it's mostly been just us. I can't imagine my life without her.” Now Jane might have imagined it, but she could have sworn she saw tears in JR's eyes. “I'm just enjoying her while I can, while she remembers me.”

Petra reached up and started rubbing one of JR's shoulders. Jane ignored that. “What about your mom, Jane?” JR asked. 

“She's strong too. Fierce. A little immature, but she's grown a lot. She's the best.” Jane didn't hide it as tears sprang in her eyes. Rafael's hand was on her shoulder. “But like I said, she's strong and she'll get through this.”

Jane didn't completely believe that because it wasn't necessarily about strength, but she wanted to and she also didn't want this brunch to turn depressing. Plus Mateo and the twins were staring at her.

“Right, Mateo? Abuela's so strong,” Jane said to her son. He nodded in agreement.

“The strongest!”

Then JR actually smiled at Jane. She didn't show her teeth, but Jane could tell it was a genuine smile. And Jane smiled back at her. Again, ignoring the fact Petra's hand was now massaging the back of JR's neck.

Petra's hand never left JR, in fact. And it was cute because Petra wasn't a really affectionate person and to see her initiate it like that was... cute. It was cute how much Petra smiled at JR and JR smiled at Petra. Yes. Cute.

“Mommy, are you okay?” Mateo asked.

“Huh, oh, yeah, sweetie. Why?”

“Because you were making this face.” Mateo imitated Jane, which included some teeth bearing and a slight sneer.

Now everyone's eyes were on Jane, and Jane didn't even know she looked like that, or why.

“Yes, Mateo. I'm fine. I guess that's just my resting face,” Jane said with a laugh. Rafael gave her a weird look.

Jane looked down at her plate, becoming preoccupied with that. She had this weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, but ignored it. It went away after a while. Then, as they were leaving, Jane caught sight of Petra and JR caught in a passionate liplock. And Jane realized she had that look on her face again and quickly corrected it before Rafael noticed.

Later that night, Jane turned to Rafael, who was asleep. She remembered a time when she was deeply in love with him, when she was pregnant and had clung to the idea of family so strongly. Too strongly. So strongly that her relationship with Michael had suffered for a period of time. Luckily, they found their way to each other, but Jane imagined if they didn't broken up. They probably would have gotten married at a different time; possibly sooner. Then Michael wouldn't have been in the hotel in that particular time, when Rose was there, and not gotten shot.

She didn't blame Rafael for that. But she wished she hadn't been so stupid to let her stupid fantastical image of romance and family get in the way of her relationship with Michael.

Now, her relationship with Rafael was much more simple, and she did love him. But it just didn't feel... Not that it didn't feel right, because it most ways, it did. They loved each other and had a son together and were friends and enjoyed being with each other, but there was something missing that Jane couldn't place.

Jane put it out of her mind, at least until the next day. Alba had work, so Jane offered to spend some time with Xiomara. She was starting chemo soon and while Xiomara seemed to be handling it well, Jane was struggling to keep it together.

“I know I'm getting an implant, but what if I just left it alone. You could call me... Uni Boob,” Xiomara joked. It was nice to see her mother be able to make jokes, because Alba certainly didn't find the humor in any of this. Not that Jane blamed her; Jane had imagined what it would be like if Mateo ever had to go through something like this and Jane had burst into tears at the thought.

“You're still getting the implant, though, right?” Jane asked.

“Of course. I hope they match the size right. I mean, my boobs have never been the same size, so it'd be nice to have matching boobs for once.”

They both laughed. When Xiomara wasn't looking, Jane found herself staring at her mother, studying her, memorizing her face. Jane didn't realize she was doing it until Xiomara turned back to her and frowned.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Hm, so how was brunch with Petra and Other Jane?”

“Good.”

Xiomara stared at Jane, clearly waiting for more information. 

“Uh, JR's nice. She's good with the kids, despite not liking kids. And she and Petra seem really happy together.” Without meaning to, Jane's voice cracked. She quickly cleared her throat.

“Are you okay?” Xiomara asked.

“Huh?”

“You seem... weird. Is JR still being awkward with you?”

“Not at all.”

“Does she know Petra had a crush on you?”

Jane was glad she wasn't drinking anything, because if she was, she would have surely choked on it.

“Excuse me?” Jane laughed, sure Xiomara was joking, but judging by her expression, she clearly wasn't. “Mom, I asked her if she had feelings for me and scoffed and said, 'ew.'”

Xiomara snorted. “She's full of it.”

Jane's jaw clenched, but Xiomara was being frustratingly calm. “I don't think she does anymore, but I have no doubt she did at some point. Her being with this Other Jane sort of confirms my suspicions, because I now know that she's into women.”

“The fact that Petra is with JR proves that she had a crush on me?” Jane laughed. It was ridiculous.

“Didn't she finance half of your house?”

“Yeah, but it was just to be nice.”

It was Xiomara's turn to laugh. “Okay, so if Michael or Rafael or any other guy you've been with did the same thing, what would you think?”

Jane knew exactly what she would think, but she didn't want to say it because it would prove her mother was right. She mumbled her answer.

“Sorry?”

“I would think he's in love with me, that it was some romantic grand gesture.”

Xiomara grinned and Jane rolled her eyes. “But it doesn't mean Petra was into me like that.”

“Maybe not, but it would explain some of the awkwardness, some of the tension.”

There was sometimes a certain tenseness between Jane and Petra's relationship that Jane didn't have with any other female friends. Part of that was because how their relationship started, Jane being a romantic rival for Petra, but even after that was no longer a thing, there was still this weirdness that Jane couldn't really explain it.

“So do you think she still has a crush on me?”

“Probably not,” Xiomara said. “She's with this Other Jane now. I guess she has a thing for women with the name Jane.”

“Oh,” Jane said, doing little to hide the disappointment in her voice she didn't notice was there until she said it aloud. Xiomara's eyebrows went up.

“Do you wish she still did?”

“What? No, of course not. She's with JR and I'm with Rafael. Happily so.”

“When Rafael told you he loved you, how'd you feel?”

Jane didn't expect to be drilled by her mother like that, it was a little annoying. And it wasn't like Xiomara was the best person to give her relationship advice.

“Happy,” Jane said simply.

“Uh-huh. And?”

Jane shrugged. “What else do you want me to say? Why are you asking me all of this?”

Xiomara's expression softened. “Jane, being sick has made me realize that life is short and if... something happens to me, I want to be able to know you're okay.”

“Mom, I am okay.” Jane hated hearing her mother talk like this. She bit her lip, fighting back tears. “You don't need to worry about me.”

“You didn't answer my question.”

Jane was hoping her mother hand forgotten about that. She sighed and thought back to went they said 'I love you' to each other. Jane had said it naturally, it just slipped out, because she did love him. And then he smiled at her like she had given him a wonderful gift and returned the 'I love you.' And Jane just said, “aw.”

“I said 'aw.'”

“And when you said it to Petra and Petra said it back?”

“Those are two completely different scenarios, Mom.”

“I know, but regardless, how'd you feel?”

Jane ran her hand over her eyes as a headache started to develop. She felt good, happy, when she said it to Petra. And then Petra said it back, in that hushed, nervous way, and Jane remembered her heart feeling full. She remembered almost crying. Then she hugged Petra and pulled her close. She remembered how Petra stiffened in her arms; it wasn't like Petra didn't know how to hug, she hugged Jane when she came over to comfort her about Xiomara. But when someone else, especially Jane, initiated the hug, Petra was usually awkward. But she fit so nicely in Jane's arms. Jane almost remembered how nice Petra smelled. She remembered the ghost of Petra's lips on her forehead.

She brought her hand down to her mouth and frowned at Xiomara, who tilted her head at Jane.

“It's not like I...” Jane laughed. “Two women can say 'I love you' to each other, platonically.”

“I know.”

“Because that's all we are,” Jane said. “Just two really close friends, with a deep, complicated history together. And yeah, maybe Petra had a crush on me? So what?”

Jane could see Xiomara nod out of the corner of her eye, but Jane went on. “She loves JR and JR loves Petra, and Rafael loves me and I love... Rafael, and he loves me...”

“You said that, Janey.”

“I do love Rafael, Ma.”

“I know you do, Jane. I don't doubt that.”

“It's just... I don't,” Jane stopped and squeezed her hands together. She didn't what? “I'm not... in love with him. I mean, the way he's in love with me.”

Jane gasped when she said that. Xiomara opened and closed her mouth, then said, “Jane” in a soft voice. “Jane, I'm sorry.”

“No...” Jane said, shaking her head. “I think I knew this, I just didn't want to admit it.”

Jane leaned forward, face in hands. Her stomach hurt. Maybe she didn't Know It, know it, but she did know it. Rafael always had this image of their relationship and it was always at a different level from Jane's. Even when they seemed to truly loved each other, he seemed to love her harder. They both loved the idea of family, so it made sense for them to be together, but it didn't make sense if they loved at different levels.

And the fact Jane realized this because of Petra, whom she loved deeply.

“I never thought about Petra in that way,” Jane admitted to Xiomara. “But then, I never thought about a woman, any woman, in that way.”

“Why's that?”

“I don't know,” Jane said. “But... when I was with Adam, he did say I had a pretty heteronormative view of the world. He said being bisexual isn't about being more open-minded than others, because not everyone is bisexual, but he did say... allowing himself to admit he's bisexual, allowed him to, I think, see the world through a different lens.”

“I tried to help you with that, but Abuela's influence was a little stronger than mine.”

“I know, and I appreciate it.” Jane remembered her mother throw a “or girl” in there sometimes, but apparently it wasn't enough. “Did you think I could be...”

“Bisexual? Not specifically, but you did like girls a lot. I thought, 'well, maybe that's my feminist influence that she likes girls so much.' But, isn't that what heteronormativity is? Assuming closeness between girls is solely platonic.”

“Compulsory heterosexuality.” 

“Let me guess, you've done some research,” Xiomara said with a smirk.

“You know me too well. Anyway, I always assumed the same thing. I always felt a little... flustered when Lina dressed in front of me. Not that I was attracted to Lina, but...”

“And Petra?”

Jane swallowed. “I don't know, Ma. I'm fine with being Petra's friend and we took so long to get to this point, and I don't want to mess it up...”

“But...”

“But.” Jane struggled with the words. It seemed complicated. If she had known about Petra's supposed crush, while she wasn't with Rafael or Michael, would she have... Looking back, Jane could actually figure out when Petra probably had that crush; that friend date, that Petra awkwardly asked her out on. It wasn't a normal friend date, but neither of them knew at the time. Jane didn't think Petra knew, and Jane certainly didn't. “I don't want to mess it up,” Jane repeated.

Xiomara couldn't extend her arms out all of the way, but she held up her hands, gesturing for Jane to come over to her. Jane did and gently rested her head in Xiomara's lap. Xiomara ran her fingers through Jane's hair.

“I think I'm falling in love with Petra.”

“I know.”


End file.
